Growing Distant

by grown honesty well

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about

recorded entirely on April 18th, 2015, this is a compilation of some of my favorite grown honesty well songs from the past six months or so

credits

released April 18, 2015

justin leider plays ukulele and guitar and sings the words and sounds he made with his brain and produced with his mouth and vocal cords

the artwork is a picture I drew with pastels sometime in middle school

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grown honesty well New York, New York

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Track Name: Something Else
I wake up each morning surprised:
How is it I’m still alive?
Strands of hair, piles of dust,
What do I see through my eye crust?

Every night, I have a heart attack:
Will I ever touch your back?
Cold dry air, lots to read,
What is it I really need?

You were somewhere else...
What if you were from somewhere else?
You are something else...
What if you feel something else?

Every minute counts, there’s no rush:
I’m never ever gonna give up.
I’ll find the words or lack thereof
To match my thoughts, the language of love.

You said the planets had aligned:
You were joking, but what if you were right?
You say, "It’s early in the morning."
Let’s be birds, find each other by singing.

You were somewhere else...
What if you were from somewhere else?
You are something else...
What if you feel something else?
Track Name: Assassination Attempt
The outer space tooth beauty
Is drawing me out into this storm
In the dumpster is where I sleep
Like old winter shoes hard-worn

You picked me up, twirled me around
And I landed a kiss on your cheek
I stepped away to see if you’d frown
You flared up and looked so sweet

Now we talk like businessmen
Even though you hate the patriarchy
So I don’t know what to do when
You act like everything is just peachy

I think you’re trying to kill me
That’s why my fingers are bleeding
That’s why my throat is itchy
Because you don’t need me

You withdrew your golden gun
Then you shot, now I’m fading
Feel my heaviness kill the fun
I watch your blood-soaked hair cascading

Left me for dead with your last words
Vultures gather to feast on me
I’m sure it’s going to get worse
I need a cloth and a cup of tea

You say “likewise” as if I want
To greet you and shake your hand
That word’s a bullet in my heart
That’s why I’ve got a new bandage

Because you’re trying to kill me
That’s why my fingers are bleeding
That’s why my throat is itchy
Because you don’t need me

I think you’re trying to kill me
That’s why my fingers are bleeding
That’s why my throat is itchy
Because you don’t need me
Track Name: Bandy Hook
Last night I couldn’t sleep
Because I was worrying
If I would ever hear
From you since ya disappeared

You told me perfect
But I hear no sound yet
I need to see you soon
‘cause my blood is a monsoon

Tear down my wall of pride
Squint my eyes in the dimming light
Wait in the cold, hop on the next bus
And take a trip to Lovers ‘R’ Us

I stop in for a piece of pie
In my sweet stupor I decide to try
Something I wouldn’t’ve dared before
This night took its curvy course

I’m so happy to be alive
I’m so happy you’re in my life
There is no guarantee
But I think it’s good to feel something

I get home, put on a DVD:
The Graduate, then I fall asleep
Right before the part he bangs on the glass
And shouts her name like a chorus

I wake up and play old strings
To a quiet empty street
Can you hear my future ring
Around the air in everything?

I’m so happy to be asleep
I’m so happy you’re in my dreams
There is no certainty
But it feels good to feel strongly
Track Name: Good Lack
it’s me vs. obscurity,
it’s me feeding me,
and it’s you living silently.
what draws you to me?

sing ourselves into a dream,
adjust our social standing,
and focus on the joy it brings.
what makes you happy?

can you see the shadow cast
by a murky doubtful past?
make use of me and bridge the gap
between that synapse.

maybe all this lack will pay off when I have
something I can appreciate

you said, "it’s been a pleasure working with you,"
but how come I rolled my eyes?
I felt the need to tell you when I stopped doing drugs,
and I felt the need to bury you when I decided to stop obsessing over you,
and now I’m eating peanut butter sandwiches every day,
and you’re still no closer to me.

I lost my train of thought.
I think it may’ve it left without me.
I might freeze.
I swallowed too much peanut butter.
I can’t breathe.

you are not any closer to me,
but you are very sticky.
I writhe in bed and fiddle with dreams.
I straddle so many worlds.

maybe all this lack will pay off when I have
something I can appreciate?
Track Name: By the Book
flabby face
sparkling mind
soft leg brace
glitter eyes

on a train
looking sad
please perk up
it's not that bad

but it's okay
to feel this way
time's a-tickin'
wheels are clickin'

smooth face
tense mind
friction trace
drugged-out eyes

don't get hooked
on a stupid book
write one instead
the one in your head

tripping together
at an intersection
warm weather
for a toothy complexion

take that smile
let it drip a while
I know it's dark
but you're so soft and light

take those eyes
join them with mine
I know it's sickly bright
but you're so warm, still warm tonight

oooooooooh
WAH
Track Name: Soul Married
the love I have for you is a special kind
and this song I wrote for you
I wrote it in one night
and that’s not a lot of time
but I had to try
‘cause one day
we’ll die

I see the moth fly
it gets in my eye
forget it, it’s a lie
but I gotta walk sky
when I do, then I know
it’s true
and that’s how
I know

so please don’t worry
please take the leap
there isn’t any hurry
don’t lose any sleep

I felt the need
who’s to say I am wrong
I love you in that way
but it’s hard to say
but I know you see
what your life means to me
and I can’t wait
but I will

and on that sunny day
we’ll be laughing
and on that sunny day
we’ll run free
I’ll see you in bloom
that’s how it’ll show
in our
own tune
and that’s how
we know

so please don’t worry
please take the leap
there isn’t any hurry
don’t lose any sleep

tonight
Track Name: Cut Short
I died this morning
I fell on the floor
I died this morning
I don’t know what for

my dad is mourning
my family’s poor
my mom is crying
my sister isn’t sure

your face this morning
I saw it through the door
I knew it wasn’t lying
you’re afraid of what's in store
Track Name: Cry on Cue
so you know, it’s spring
even though I sing
about snow falling
and the flow stalling

I’m up too early
got up from this dream
you were surely
not as you seemed

nothing happens overnight
except the night
and love at first sight
and the restoration of light
I am grateful for my sight

now I know, I’m king
as we row this fling
as we go sailing
as we show failing

I’m just too early
got just what might be
a bad offer
it’s what I have

the man they call mr. happy
has learned to cry on cue
so if it ever starts feeling sappy
he’ll be ready to cry for you

nothing happens overnight
except the night
and a welcome respite
and a soothing sound bite
I am grateful for this light
Track Name: Sunlit Reverie
cars buried under salt
pinched nerves, confusing all these dates
skim boarding in hurricane muds
we flew to Spain, we stood while we ate

the new golden dawn
junkie boyfriends hooking you up
peach, honey, it doesn’t matter
a list of missed symbols that I made up

we all want to be on the top of a mountain
we all want to feel like we’re getting someplace
I pack my bag and march into the sunlight
I’ll return with something new to say

underneath a waterfall
new friends, confusing all these words
spines cracking in thunderstorms
we drove up north, we danced in the rain

the old specter glows
inner demons scraping your bones
here, alone, of course it matters
a note of yours I kept in case of doubt

if you wanted to ward me off, you succeeded
I want to swirl into my dreams unimpeded

no one likes to feel like they're in the way
so I think this means I’ll be on my way

today
Track Name: Face Eyes
the weekend is leaning on the side of a building
I can’t stay asleep, my stomach is killing me
in a warm arm crevice, heavy eyes leak
maybe someday we will know what it means

up so early, hear the pipes softly coo
I try to squeeze my imperfections into you
after all those times I felt unsure
it’s nice to look back and see it start to blur

every so often it spits up an image, crisp and clear
of a small defining moment that became some great fear
I feel it mold each move I make in this funny drunken dance
from every word that I emit to every swollen glance

and if you just breathe in deep
and if you trust I’ll return
when I do, I’ll pull you close
and demonstrate what I’ve learned

the picture that I paint will be you
inhaling that suspended glowing view
your smooth round face eyes open wide
as your body fills up with light

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