Learn to Be Alone

by grown honesty well

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And so it was that a mysterious well emerged in the middle of a vast and lonesome desert. It is said thirsty wanderers who found the well were revived by its nourishing spring, but others got lost inside...


released September 23, 2014

all songs by Justin Leider

thanks to Kelby Siddons for lots of songwriting help
Ray Rehberg played violin on tracks 4 and 7

recorded by Dan Carlyon at the Pirate Utopia
produced by Ray Rehberg
album artwork by Corinne Bass

My procrastinatory efforts in college made these songs possible.
Special thanks to all my roommates and neighbors, past and present.


all rights reserved



grown honesty well New York, New York

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Track Name: If I Had a Week with You
If I had a week with you

If we had a week
Perhaps the truth would slowly leak
Maybe I wouldn’t feel so meek
If only I had a week with you

If I had a day with you

If we had a day
Just like kids we could play
All those things we would say
If only I had a day with you

If I had a second with you
Just a brief second with you

Any amount of time
I’d figure out if my heart is lying
Or maybe I’d just end up crying
Do I want some time with you?

And I know we have had some time
And things did not feel fine
But, honestly, I’m trying

I wanna show you this rich text
Colorful, not repressed
Not black-and-white, not a mess
And hey, it might not be the best

But no one can know that yet
And all I wanna do
Is rest with you
Like we did

I know we can’t go back in time
I know that we can’t hit rewind
So I just hope we both find
A lot of peace of mind

I hope
I hope to see you soon
Track Name: Two Twenty Forever
She can smell the future
But she won’t tell me what it is
So now I’m looking at you, sir
To help me get through this

If only I had a plan
If only I knew which direction
I wouldn’t have to run back
If only I knew my intention

I thought you said your last one was your last one
You know all those times when we fought?
Please remind me how to have fun
I can’t remember what I just forgot

Her name is this and his name is that
I honestly can’t keep track
We’re all getting skinny, we’re all getting fat
How do I cut myself some slack?
Track Name: Samething
We were friends, you were a nice enough host
But you ignored me when it meant the most

I was a jerk, and you were too
I couldn’t believe the things I said to you

We escaped to the dark, waved hello to the first
It’s the last I got, and now I’m left with this thirst

It happened too quickly for me to feel safe
So I look back and critique my case

You were insane, but I couldn’t complain
You helped me to relieve some pain

We figured why not, we were young and dumb
It didn’t even matter because I was numb

I followed you around like a naïve pup
Turns out your mind is a bit corrupt

We both were lost and way too serious
It made me rather delirious

It was perfect in the moment, I thought we were set
Until your reconsideration forced me to fret

You taught me a lot, whether you meant to or not
You set me off, you’re the last one I fought

Last night I dreamt something, but I forgot what it was
But you were there, saying something about love

One thing is something, which is more than nothing
You remember something, never nothing

It’s all the same
Track Name: Days of Nothing
Pacing round the room
Peering out at the gloom
Waiting for something to break through
And either help or kill you

Scribbling down thought after thought
Perhaps the truth can be bought
But instead it turns out it’s fraught
With contradictions and paradox

I cannot grow a beard
And my skin isn’t clear
And there’s this growing fear
That I should not be here

This is me working it out
We are all figuring it out
Isn’t that profound?
Excuse me while I break down

Silence hurts more than words
Especially when it’s coming from her
So go your own way and leave me behind
It’s gonna suck, but I’ll be just fine

You know I’ll be just fine
Track Name: I Saw You
I saw you
You did not see me

When I’m walking home, I’m all alone
Passing by places that are all closed

People getting shot on my way home
I did not know them, now I’m alone
Track Name: Soothe Me
Soothe me

Holding hands
On a battlefield
Clutching heads

Holding hands
In a subway
Looking ahead

I can’t grasp why you grasped my hand

I am sorry for everything
Track Name: What Do You Want to Make
I want to make you fall in love with me like never before
I want to make you fall in love and see I'm who you’re waiting for

But you don't know to wait
Even though I told you

But you don't know to wait
So I'm catching up to you
Yes, I'm catching up to you
Or did I already pass you?

And I don't know if you're good for me
But these feelings are not make-believe
I must be lacking in empathy
Or else I'd finally leave you be
So I'm running to break free
To declare my independency
The horizon is all I need
I want what I can't see
Track Name: It's Funny
It’s funny, I never said your name, despite all the times I thought it

It’s funny, I miss holding your hand, even though I was always worried that I was holding it wrong

I liked seeing you smile without having to say a single word
I liked hearing you laugh when I finally told a joke loud enough to be heard
I liked everything you had to say, I clung to every word
The whole thing was absolutely absurd

It’s funny, I don’t know what came over me
It’s funny, because I think I fell real hard real fast
And you were just skipping along
I guess I am just glad I had it at all

It was nice, but it couldn’t last
The only thing to do is keep going
I hope you’re doing all right
I know you’re doing all right

Sometimes I hate you and I’m sorry
Sometimes I love you and I’m sorry

One day I’ll be okay

The smell of soap reminds me of home
Track Name: You Had Me Wrong
“You had me wrong”

I used to go down to the place where we used to go, where we would do that

and then we’d walk down to the place where, past towers and through flowers, past the fathers and the children, through all the fields, until we found something better to do

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