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Learn to Be Alone

by grown honesty well

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1.
If I had a week with you If we had a week Perhaps the truth would slowly leak Maybe I wouldn’t feel so meek If only I had a week with you If I had a day with you If we had a day Just like kids we could play All those things we would say If only I had a day with you If I had a second with you Just a brief second with you Any amount of time I’d figure out if my heart is lying Or maybe I’d just end up crying Do I want some time with you? And I know we have had some time And things did not feel fine But, honestly, I’m trying I wanna show you this rich text Colorful, not repressed Not black-and-white, not a mess And hey, it might not be the best But no one can know that yet And all I wanna do Is rest with you Like we did I know we can’t go back in time I know that we can’t hit rewind So I just hope we both find A lot of peace of mind I hope I hope to see you soon
2.
She can smell the future But she won’t tell me what it is So now I’m looking at you, sir To help me get through this If only I had a plan If only I knew which direction I wouldn’t have to run back If only I knew my intention I thought you said your last one was your last one You know all those times when we fought? Please remind me how to have fun I can’t remember what I just forgot Her name is this and his name is that I honestly can’t keep track We’re all getting skinny, we’re all getting fat How do I cut myself some slack?
3.
Samething 02:05
We were friends, you were a nice enough host But you ignored me when it meant the most I was a jerk, and you were too I couldn’t believe the things I said to you We escaped to the dark, waved hello to the first It’s the last I got, and now I’m left with this thirst It happened too quickly for me to feel safe So I look back and critique my case You were insane, but I couldn’t complain You helped me to relieve some pain We figured why not, we were young and dumb It didn’t even matter because I was numb I followed you around like a naïve pup Turns out your mind is a bit corrupt We both were lost and way too serious It made me rather delirious It was perfect in the moment, I thought we were set Until your reconsideration forced me to fret You taught me a lot, whether you meant to or not You set me off, you’re the last one I fought Last night I dreamt something, but I forgot what it was But you were there, saying something about love One thing is something, which is more than nothing You remember something, never nothing It’s all the same
4.
Pacing round the room Peering out at the gloom Waiting for something to break through And either help or kill you Scribbling down thought after thought Perhaps the truth can be bought But instead it turns out it’s fraught With contradictions and paradox I cannot grow a beard And my skin isn’t clear And there’s this growing fear That I should not be here This is me working it out We are all figuring it out Isn’t that profound? Excuse me while I break down Silence hurts more than words Especially when it’s coming from her So go your own way and leave me behind It’s gonna suck, but I’ll be just fine You know I’ll be just fine
5.
I Saw You 03:09
I saw you You did not see me When I’m walking home, I’m all alone Passing by places that are all closed People getting shot on my way home I did not know them, now I’m alone
6.
Soothe Me 03:19
Soothe me Holding hands Crying On a battlefield Clutching heads Holding hands Crying In a subway Looking ahead I can’t grasp why you grasped my hand I am sorry for everything
7.
I want to make you fall in love with me like never before I want to make you fall in love and see I'm who you’re waiting for But you don't know to wait Even though I told you But you don't know to wait So I'm catching up to you Yes, I'm catching up to you Or did I already pass you? And I don't know if you're good for me But these feelings are not make-believe I must be lacking in empathy Or else I'd finally leave you be So I'm running to break free To declare my independency The horizon is all I need I want what I can't see
8.
It's Funny 02:14
It’s funny, I never said your name, despite all the times I thought it It’s funny, I miss holding your hand, even though I was always worried that I was holding it wrong I liked seeing you smile without having to say a single word I liked hearing you laugh when I finally told a joke loud enough to be heard I liked everything you had to say, I clung to every word The whole thing was absolutely absurd It’s funny, I don’t know what came over me It’s funny, because I think I fell real hard real fast And you were just skipping along I guess I am just glad I had it at all It was nice, but it couldn’t last The only thing to do is keep going I hope you’re doing all right I know you’re doing all right Sometimes I hate you and I’m sorry Sometimes I love you and I’m sorry One day I’ll be okay The smell of soap reminds me of home
9.
“You had me wrong” I used to go down to the place where we used to go, where we would do that and then we’d walk down to the place where, past towers and through flowers, past the fathers and the children, through all the fields, until we found something better to do

about

A mysterious well emerges in the middle of a vast desert. Its spring is nourishing and cool, but its murky depths are mysterious and strange.

credits

released September 23, 2014

all songs by Justin Leider

thanks to Kelby Siddons for lots of songwriting help
Ray Rehberg played violin on tracks 4 and 7

recorded by Dan Carlyon at the Pirate Utopia
produced by Ray Rehberg
album artwork by Corinne Bass

My procrastinatory efforts in college made these songs possible.
Special thanks to all my roommates and neighbors, past and present.

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grown honesty well New York, New York

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