What a Relief

by grown honesty well

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These songs trace my emotions from a transition period.
I wrote them between June 2015 and June 2017.
The track order is chronological.

track 1 was written in Jerusalem, Israel
tracks 2-6 were written in Ridgewood, NJ
tracks 7-9 were written in Woodside, Queens, NY

many thanks to everybody who helped me make this album, especially Patrick Budde and Corinne Bass

Thanks for listening! Keep growing, stay honest, and be well.


released January 20, 2018

played by Justin Leider and Patrick Budde
all songs written by Justin Leider

Justin Leider plays acoustic guitar and ukulele and sings lead vocals
Patrick Budde arranged and provided additional instrumentation
Patrick Budde provided additional vocals on tracks 2 and 7
Friends of the Bog provided additional vocals on track 1
Sammy Zeisel provided additional vocals on track 4

recorded, mixed, and mastered by Patrick Budde
recorded at the Preservatory in Chicago in August 2017 (8/12 - 8/21)
original album art by Corinne Bass


all rights reserved



grown honesty well New York, New York

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Track Name: Skywriting
If I had a dime for every bum I fed,
I'd have no dimes

If I had rhyme for every time I fled,
I'd have no time

And you know, you don't even know it
And you know, but you won't even show it

If I had a ring for every time you said,
"You are my life"

I'd end this game and take you for my wife,
And we'd be fine

And you know, you don't even know it
And you know, but you won't even show it

Try to manipulate fate; it won't work
People are too addicted to their way of life
Track Name: Life Is Pointless
It's never been so clear in my life
That I've never been more confused in my life

Dive down deep into the lore
Take a look at what's been before

They're recycling all the plots
As if we forgot

Life is pointless in a way
So be sure to make it pay

We used to go to the diner
It's where we'd leave our problems behind

But we got hit with a battering ram
And I forgot who the hell I am

We've been down this road before
And now it's time to pass go

Life is pointless anyway
So I'll come back for you one fine day

Stare at the pavement till all turns black
Then you'll see that you can't go back

Life is pointless in what way?
So there you go, we have a say!
Track Name: Patience Is a Virtue
Patience is a virtue, my friend
I'm back in the megalopolis: to what end?
I frittered away my freedom
Now I'm left wondering what I could've been

I had so much promise
Now I'm just a piece of real estate
So much for being honest!
Well, maybe it's not too late

Patience is a virtue, my friend
Questions about my choices come to no end
I know that there's hope yet
The clock on the wall doesn't seem to fret

I'm a sexual being,
But now I'm behind bars
Tell me, what's the meaning?
What's the use looking at the stars?

Patience is a virtue, my friend
The plot plays out until we reach the end
Follow your path through the darkness
Find the heat in this ice fortress

Patience is a virtue, my friend
And I refuse to surrender to what's been
For every moment that I give in,
I'll whirl around until I start to spin
Track Name: What a Relief (Baby, Love Myself)
I know that it's hard when you can't see your face
You know that I'm scarred from that time I reached third base
You caught me off guard when you showed up at my place,
So I'm writing you this card with the time that you displaced

Baby, love myself

We sat at the bar on the day you fell from grace
Your name was marred by a world that dropped your case
You lost your car, your home, your teeth, your lace,
And I know that it's hard when you've got nothing to chase

Baby, love myself

And you sang this song in a dream
I have no idea what I mean
Your face kept blinking at me
It's the one good thing that I've seen

Baby, love myself
Track Name: Pray for Rain
Coffee, pizza, plates and TV
Silly disco, talking in your sleep
Furniture store, sad memory
Chlorine water, black bikini

And I know you will go one day
I was told that it's innate

And if you want to make a change
You're gonna have to go insane

Furrowed brow, black butterfly
Nature's calling, it's do or die
Accidental melody
Silly dreaming, please set me free

And I know I will go one day
I was told that it's my way

And if you want to make a change
You're gonna have to go insane
You're gonna have to feel some pain
You're gonna have to pray for rain
If you're gonna make a change
Track Name: Storm King
Empty park bench maker
You will come and take her
To the shores of Scotland
And let her go

When the cold of autumn
Greets me one morning
I will hug it warmly
With short, sharp breaths

But when I lie in bed
My heart will strike with all
The storms that shake my head
I will soon recall

God's not real
And you were touched
Now I feel
This is too much

Parking lot night breakup
The school where you grew up
I held you tightly
In my arms

I'm a train crash author
Thunderstorm night walker
I watch the lightning
And call to you

But no matter what I say
The past will have its way
Thus came that fateful day
When you flew away

God's not real
'Cause you got touched
Now I see
It was too much

When I got my teeth out
She fed me hot dogs
At the drive-in
And we flew away...
Track Name: Plumes & Scales
Well, I had to match your peacock print dress on prom day
My vest was tan to accentuate your more delicate shades
Everyone was looking at you, you were something to see
Don't know why I thought you might find some feelings for me

You're still the one for me
It's no secret, I can't see
Beyond these fantasies of you
Holding my cold body

I still remember when you hugged me dressed as a mermaid
Our last night we went outside to keep the future at bay
Everyone was looking at you, you walked over to me
You buried your head in my shoulder, I stood as stiff as a tree

There was no one prettier than you, you were bright as could be
Without a word, you said goodbye; the rest is history

Your skin so pale
From plumes to scales
You lit up the night
And I went blind
Track Name: Dither
The future is a scary place that we've been living in
And I just wish that you were here so you could hold me tight
And maybe we would never fear of having to begin
With every day a new frontier, alone in every night

This new view of this old city just isn't as nice
As the one we kissed in front of when we were young
And I don't know how anyone has time for the times
It's a miracle if I can get up with the sun

I know that we don't know
Right now what we can show
You know that I'm too slow
I hope I can let it go

I can run or I can walk or I can just sit here
I could stay inside all day and see what I can find
You can make that funny face and randomly appear
I'll spend the day looking for the trace you left behind

Maybe it'll all work out and someday we will see
What it is we're meant to do before we have to die
And I'm doing my very best to love uncertainty
But it's tough when each sunset makes me want to cry

I know that we don't know
Right now what we can show
You know that I'm too slow
I hope I can let it go

I know that we don't know
Right now what we can show
You know that I'm too slow
I hope I can let you go

I don't know if I'll ever get married
I don't if I'll ever have kids
I just know that I wanted to love you
And I hope I can love someone new
Track Name: Tender Mercy
Remember when grandpa died
Remember when you held me tight
Remember when we stayed inside
We talked all through the night

Remember when I made you cry
Remember when we had our fight
Remember we apologized
I guess that was goodbye

And I don't know when we will see each other again
I was not sure if you wanted to be my friend
This could still mean something if we make it happen
And I'm placing my faith in chance

Remember when we took a drive
Remember when you pulled aside
Remember when you felt alive
It took me by surprise

Remember when your life unwinds
Remember when it all subsides
Remember how we survived
I'm glad we had our time

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